As an interesting sidenote, before this rant truly begins, i would like to state that I am in fact the second most frequent updater to this site. Scuzz himself is the clear winner with 164 entries, counting this one I'm at 71, Shadow's next with a respectable 45 followed by Berger with something like 36...not sure can't remember the exact number. Just thought I'd mention that to subdue all you invisible guilt demons out there before you once again begin the task of harrowing me unto my dying day.
And...back to the rant.
Yesterday I branded Scuzz the prophet of the end times, mainly because he raised the point that every bad thing he has predicted over the course of scuzzmonkey.com's illustrious career has managed to come true. But also because - as he is always at pains to point out - he does indeed have the necessary hair-length to fit the criteria for what is essentially Jesus on the dark side of the force.
He did not reject this theory, merely stating that he hopes he is not in fact destruction incarnate. He didn't get around to mentioning exactly why he didn't want to be responsible for becoming the embodiment of despair and casting the bloated carcass of all known religions into the pit, but I have to assume that it has to do with him either having not yet played Fable 2, or simply having not yet completed the momentous task of downloading, watching and on occasion imitating every single porno ever to have graced the internet.
But on the other hand...who would really want to be a prophet of any kind?
Bear with me here. Prophets see the future and true prophets (if such a thing exists) can never be wrong about it. Working from this it is safe to assume that no matter what measures are taken after hearing a prophets message, the prediction will nonetheless come to pass. Prophets cannot change the future, by their very nature they are unable to affect what they have seen, even if they try to do so their actions will only end up causing (or at least, not stopping) that which they sought to avoid.
And who the hell wants to live like that? The prophet of the end times has absolutely no function other than to play chicken little and warn us all about the sky falling and impending doom, then get to feel smug and maybe state that they had bloody well called it, slightly before the sea becomes as richest blood and the old ones wrench themselves from insepid slumber whilst the glorius light of the sun is smothered by the cloying darkness of miasmic fumes spewing from the rotting earth which heaves with undisguised malice before opening to vent forth an endless tide of pus and slime to drown all in their own filthy excrement...sorry lost my train of thought for a moment there.
Seriously, if I get in on the apocalypse, I am damn well going to demand an active role.
Then again...
What if we've got the purpose of prophecy all wrong? What if it isn't there to warn us of the future, but to make sure that a particular future - the one seen - is the only one possible? After all, it's already been established that true prophets predictions can never be wrong, misinterpreted yes, but never wrong. Is it so much of an intellectual leap to think that the prophet themselves might in fact be the catalyst for whatever they predict.
It would make sense, right? It might not be direct, but behaviours always change when the future is known, that change is often then responsible for causing whatever was predicted to come true. Therefore the only solution is to murder all the prophets before they learn how to speak...of course there's no way to determine if somebody is a prophet until they speak, leaving genocide of the entire human race as the only option. That way the apocalypse will never happen. Problem solved, as always, by murder.
Then again, we don't even need prophets. Surely it's possible to simply calculate how everything in the world will react to all forms of stimuli with a set of mathematical equations
At least until chaos theory gets in on the act, and then the shit really does hit the fan.
